My Imbecile Heart

My heart,
is not the one that beats normal
It doesn’t respond to all the emotions but few
It is not beautiful as they want it to be
Neither too dark
But it does the job well
Which is to pump the blood throughout the body

My heart
is not necessarily the reflection of me
or a perfect human being
It is not kind
neither a monster
Still, they expect it to be more heart like
which my brain fails to understand
if expressing is must
then it is not from the ticker
or out of concern
It’s from the vulnerability of the brain
still, the heart fools us
and takes the bloody credit

My heart
is only an organ
that too an ordinary one
it is just a part of the anatomy
not too big or small
still, I wonder why they assume it to be in a particular shape and color
when it’s the only thing,
that was free of any discrimination
yet red is the dream
and the sign of love
which again my brain fails to comprehend
and forces me to think
Are all of them simpletons
or is it just me and my imbecile heart?

– sahil pahwa

Goodbye, my…!

Do you even know
How much you mean to me
Do you even realize
How much I am going to miss you
Do you even remember
Those breezy days
And the warm nights
That we spent together
It felt like an eternity

For I am not vulnerable
For I am not emotional
Yet when it comes to you
I would jump the cliffs
Walk on the fire
Just to be with you
Do you even understand
How much better I was becoming lately
I was in a good rhythm
Stories came out fluently
I almost called myself a writer
But only God knows why did you decide to leave me now out of all the times?
For I was so much dependent on you
Yet I have to accept the reality
For I have lived in illusion already
I know it was not your fault entirely
I may have used you conveniently
I accept my mistakes
But you can’t question my character
For I was always loyal to you
Before you disappear completely
I shall inform you
For I may not write again
I may not type again

Goodbye, my laptop!

Along the way

Along the way,
I came across many characters
Some full of life
Some full of pain
I kept observing them
I kept stalling
Coz I knew,
They would want to know more
They would want to get close
It’s the basic human nature
But I was not ready yet
Hell, I am not even prepared now.

Along the way,
I kept walking
I still see a lot of emotions around
But I don’t fancy them much
They don’t entertain me either
I am still content with life
Coz I knew,
The path I chose came with consequences
Consequences are normal,
It’s everywhere,
Filling the void is certainly not.

Along the way,
I found something
That can’t be described in words
But it gave me a reason to smile,
Hell, more than a smile,
I am happy I could cry again
I wish they could see me right now
I wish they could feel me this way
Coz this is what they wanted
And this is what I always feared for
But things are different from before
I want to be normal now.

Along the way,
I have had many transformations
Been there on the wrong side of the fate
Been all over the place
But one thing that matters the most is,
That along the way,
I became human again!

That day

For I don’t know her
For I was not seeking for her
That day was slow and dull
For I couldn’t write in a while
For I wanted to read pain
That was the moment
The moment it all happened
For I don’t explore much
For I stay plain and simple
Yet I decided to go out of my zone
To see the creations of others
Forgive me, I digress a lot
Pardon me, she deserves it all
Upon looking at her work
Lady! Ohh, Lady!
For your words are mesmerizing
For your pain seems familiar
In a blink of an eye,
I glanced through her journey
The journey through her poems
The poems full of emotional lines
The lines full of touching words
For I found them soothing too
For I felt them close to my heart
How much have you suffered?
Has the past been that rough to you?
For I wanted to ask her the above questions
For I wanted to know her
Little did I know
Little did I anticipate
For she would vanish the next moment
For I could never see her again
Trust me when I say
Believe me when I confess
For I tried my best
For I searched everywhere
Yet never came across her again
For I still look for those words
For I am forever connected to her pain now.

Rebound

For I was a drunk

For I was futile

Yet I was content

Expectations were a curse

For I believed in hope

I kept on lying

I kept on pretending

For I was never blank

Yet I appeared empty

For them I was ideal

For them I was joyous

Yet from inside I felt miserable

For I would have lived the same forever

For I would have died in the unknown

Amidst all of the above

Amongst the beautiful pain

She came like an angel

She spoke like a goddess

Woke me up from the dead

For I still kept my distance

For I remained inactive

Resilience, persistence, and resolute were her natural traits

For I ran out of the excuses

For I finally succumbed to her beauty

Never I believed in destiny before

For it was the fate that brought us together

For it was the one that gave the strength

The strength to express, the strength to connect

For I was a cynic

For I was doomed before

Now things are different

For I believe in my existence

For I shall not leave her again

For I shall write more.

Happy Anniversary, Baby!

She woke up to the sight of beautiful hills through her side of the car window.

How much more time to reach? Maya asked yawningly.

Morning, lady! You are up finally. Aryan replied. He smiled at her for a second and then moved his eyes on the road again.

Morning, but how far is it now? She asked again.

We are almost there, should reach soon. He answered.

They both were traveling to some remote village in the mountains to celebrate their first marriage anniversary.

Are you excited, baby? She asked.

Ohh yes, I was looking forward to this journey for quite some time now as we hardly go out. He said and leaned towards her to kiss while still driving.

Eyes on the road, Mr. She said as they kissed for a second. They both were quite eager to reach the destination. 

I hope this time I get you pregnant. He smiled.

We can look for the other options as we have been trying for a while and I believe that something is wrong with me. She said and looked the other way.

You are perfect is what you are. Something is wrong with me. He retorted.

A few minutes later, they entered the village. It looked beautiful as it was surrounded by the beautiful mountains from all the sides.

They pulled the car in front of the hotel.

We have a reservation for two nights. Aryan said to the receptionist.

Let me check, sir. She said as she looked strangely at Maya.

Yes, sir. The room is booked under your name. Is your partner joining you soon? She asked.

She is with me. He said with a smile, pointing at Maya.

Okay, sir. The receptionist said after a long pause while still looking strangely at the couple.

The room is beautiful. I know why you were so excited to show me this room. Maya said with a smile.

Yes, it has romance written all over it. He said flirtingly.

Did you notice the way the receptionist was looking at you? He asked with concern. Even the bellboy acted strangely.

I didn’t notice. Is it so? She asked.

Yes. This is what I like about you the most. You never see these things as you are always so secure with yourself. You are so innocent. He leaned forward and kissed her at this moment. They made love the following night.

Wake up, lady! I have ordered your favorite breakfast. He said and served.

What a good surprise, baby. She said in a sleepy voice.

Eat properly. You hardly eat anything. You have gone so thin and weak. He said with concern.

Yes, I don’t like to eat food and all. I only like to eat you. She said and winked.

An hour later, they both went out to explore the village. They did some shopping, bought some fruits, clothes, and locally handmade items.

While heading back to the hotel, he wondered how people looked at Maya throughout the day. There was one strange incident that happened in some cloth shop that he couldn’t move past easily.

This one will look good on you; he said and handed a red color dress to Maya.

You know my taste. Red suits me. She said.

May I help you, sir? The salesman asked.

Yes, how much is this outfit. He asked while pointing at the dress in Maya’s hands.

This is 1500 bucks, he replied immediately. Who are you buying for? I have a better collection if you are looking for something special for your wife or a girlfriend.

My wife. He said. And she likes this outfit very much.

Where is she? The salesman asked curiously.

She is right here, holding the outfit. He pointed at her.

The salesman looked at Maya and paused for a few seconds. Okay. I see her. How do you want to pay for it? Cash or Card? He said in disbelief.

The bags were packed. They both were standing at the reception area now.

I hope you had a good stay, the receptionist asked.

Yes, it was fine. The people are weird here though. He said

Did something happen, Sir? She asked with a smile.

I noticed that there are hardly any women in the village. Perhaps they are not accustomed to having women around.  They all were looking at my wife strangely for some reason. He said in a confused manner.

The receptionist glanced at Maya quickly at this moment. I understand sir. She smiled. Your wife is so beautiful even I can’t help myself but stare at her as much as possible.

They were back on the road now. Aryan was still thinking about all the bizarre things that he observed in the village.

Where are you lost, baby? Maya asked.

Nowhere. I was just thinking about the beautiful experience that this village has given us. He said.

The road seemed empty. He was driving at a normal speed. She was wearing the same dress he bought for her from the village.

You are looking beautiful; he said and leaned towards to kiss her.

They kissed and suddenly the car hit a big pothole and Aryan lost the balance.  They crashed into the side of the road.

A moment later, he found himself covered in blood. He slowly got up and looked for Maya. She was lying on the corner unconscious. He quickly ran towards her. Are you fine? He screamed in pain while holding her face. He didn’t even realize that he was badly wounded too. He kept screaming her name until he passed out.

Where is Maya? He woke up and observed that he was in a hospital now.

A moment later, a nurse came to attend to him after listening to his countless screams.

How are you feeling now? She asked.

I am fine. Where is Maya? He asked in pain.

Who? The nurse asked curiously.

My wife. She was with me when we crashed. He said.

Sir, I don’t know what you are talking about. You were brought here alone. She replied.

This can’t be. She was right next to me when I passed out. He looked perplexed now.

Sir, let me call the doctor. Please lie down. You need to rest. She said and left.

He tried to get up but lacked the physical strength to do so.

Hope you are fine. I will come to look for you. He kept on talking to himself.

A few minutes later, the doctor came.

How are you doing now?  He asked.

I am just fine. Where is my wife? He asked with concern

The nurse just told me about your wife. I am sorry but you were alone. The doctor replied

What are you talking about? I held her in my arms after the accident. He said angrily.

The doctor kept silent for a minute. Perhaps I know what you are talking about. He said softly.

Thank god. Finally, someone knows whom I am talking about. Aryan said with relief.

A day later, Aryan had almost recovered. He was ready to see Maya.

I see you are up and ready to leave. The doctor asked.

Yes, I can’t wait to see my wife. Where is she? He said anxiously.

Calm down! Let’s go and meet her. The doctor replied.

They both went to a separate room in the hospital.

The doctor opened the door for him. Please go inside, I will join you shortly. He said.

Aryan was sitting and waiting anxiously to see Maya now. A few minutes later, the doctor entered the room.

Before Maya joins her, do you mind if I ask you a few questions? The doctor asked.

Okay. Okay. He said.

How long have you been married to her?

We completed one year just recently. We came here to celebrate our marriage anniversary. He said.

Fine. Did you ever find something strange about her? Something odd?  The doctor asked patiently.

No, what do you mean? He was puzzled.

I mean… did anyone ever meet your wife? Friends or family? What do they think about her? The doctor asked quietly.

No, we both are orphans. We are all we have for each other.  He said softly.

That explains a bit. The doctor said.

Explains what?  He asked with concern.

Let me show you what it explains. The doctor said.

At this very instance, he went out and brought Maya inside.

The moment Aryan looked at Maya; he got up with excitement and hugged her in relief.

You are fine. I am so happy. I thought I lost you forever. He said with tears in his eyes.

Why are you not saying anything? Why your face is so pale and blank. He asked.

Maya didn’t say anything.  She stood silent.

Why is she not saying anything? Aryan asked the doctor anxiously. What is wrong with her?

She wouldn’t say anything. I don’t know if she ever said anything to you in the first place? The doctor said ever so slowly and patiently.

What do you mean? He was confused now.

Aryan, look at her closely. What do you see? The doctor asked.

She is my wife. She is my Maya. He said angrily.

Aryan, she is not your wife. The doctor said.

What are you talking about? He said anxiously.

She is not even a human being. The doctor said.

What do you mean? Aryan said in disbelief.

At this moment, the doctor picked Maya up and tossed her in the air.

What are you doing? She will get hurt. Stop, stop. He shouted.

Aryan, she will not get hurt. She is a doll, not a human. The doctor explained

He couldn’t comprehend what just happened.  He looked at Maya for a second and then slowly started walking out of the room in tears.

A few months later. Aryan was in his house. He seemed restless. There was a knock at the gate. He opened the door. It was a delivery for him.

He brought the package inside. He opened the box and said, “ Welcome back Maya! I have waited for you for so long!

Bond

She didn’t owe him

For he didn’t deserve anything

She learnt to move on

For he had chosen someone younger

She was strong now

For he was no more in the picture

Then the morning came

She heard the news

The news that shook her

For she was in tears again

For it had been thirty years

She wanted to see him

Against all the odds

The odds that was her own family

The family that meant everything to her

For she understood the situation is difficult

For the world was still in pandemic

Yet she managed to sneak out

For she knew he needed her

For she was aware of her ailing husband

The husband who was estranged

For he was still unconscious

For he never expected to see her

In the same evening

The evening followed by sad morning

He opened his eyes

The tears rolled down to the cheeks

For he had realised long ago

For he made unpardonable mistakes

Yet she chose to be there for him

Still, she cried along with him

Why are you here?

You should not be here after what I have done to you

For he asked above questions

For he cried out of guilt

I am unsure about so many things in life

The life that has been full of all the emotions

The emotions that taught me everything

Everything except for one

The one thing that I am sure of

For I would not let you go easy

For our bond can’t be broken forever

You

For it is not you
Who should always surrender
For the sake of society
or children
For it is not you
Who should always settle for less
For making them happy
or satisfied
For it is not you
who should compromise
or meet the unfair expectations
For it is a vicious loop
That will succumb you, if you are not careful
For it is not you
Who should be worried about those hypocrites
Or the biased culture
For you must remind yourself
In all these situations,
The emotions will eventually fade away
The sacrifices you are doing shall be forgotten
For they don’t have gratitude
Or the common courtesy
For it is you
Who shall be full of regrets by the end of it
For it is you
Who matters
For it is you
Who gives us the strength and the courage
For it has always been you
Who matters the most
For it is you
who is strong
For it is you
Who is beautiful
For it is you
Who is a woman.

That corner

Yes, that’s the place
that’s the very corner
where we met for the first time
only to be separated later
Lady! Does that sound sad to you?
coz it never did to me
but before we drifted away,
Didn’t we collect the jewels?
the memories, the moments, and all those souvenirs
You and I knew from the start
Our journey began with the moment
The moment which we knew won’t last long
We were just not meant to be forever.

Yes, that’s the place
that’s the bloody corner
which reminded us of us
We would often visit,
but not together anymore
Lady! Is that enough for you?
coz the place always makes me smile
I know the time has come,
to compromise and move on
with life as the way it is
I still think I have miles to go
before I could forget this place,
this corner and you.

Yes, that’s the place
that’s the corner
it doesn’t look the same
but I bet I am not lost again
I see a shadow of a girl and a boy
Oh wait they are a younger version of us
They smiled and walked away
leaving me alone
yet I feel happy that I made one more visit here
I know this could be the last time,
as so many years have passed by
And I have become so old
But I don’t think,
that I would even miss the place,
Coz I am soon going to be joining you,
in a place above the skies

I love you.